Donut Day

The alarm clock went off earlier than my mind was ready for on Saturday morning, but this was the day of the Tour De Donut in American Fork UT and I wanted to get there by 8 am to register and meet my teammates. After loading 3 groggy offspring into the car and about 2 hours of driving, I pulled into the parking lot where bright outfits and smiles were everywhere. I was able to pick up my registration easily and then re-assembled my cramped bike. Ol’ Hoo Koo E Koo had been shoved in the trunk of the little Civic and once I got the wheels back on, it was raring to go. This was my first bike race of any kind, but I had been attracted to this one for its uniqueness. Three 7 mile laps and in between the laps, you ate as many donuts as you could with each donut subtracting 3 minutes from your total time. I’m not a fan of glazed donuts, but any event sponsored by FatCyclist.com was calling my name!! And at this point in my life, I don’t ignore ANY calls!

I met up with my 4 teammates, Cindy, Tiffany, Rob and Al. Everyone was in great spirits and Tiffany handed out our team shirts – powder blue with the words, “Holier Than Thou” on the back. Anyone who knows Huffyman can see the obvious discrepancy, but the team accepted me as I was and I was grateful! There were riders of every age and some in costume. I saw several capes, teams had matching shirts, and there was a couple on a tandem bike dressed as a bloody bride and groom. My favorite team was the Reno 911! folks – they looked great!

Before the race, there was a short, quiet and slow memorial ride in honor of Brynn Barton, a 24-year-old cyclist who was killed in a hit-and-run accident in Salt Lake City on June 7th. Balloons in her favorite colors were released during the memorial ride. It was a sobering and tasteful tribute.

Finally, it was time to line up at the start and then we were off. We rode as a team, beaming in solidarity of purpose and camaraderie… until Al left the rest of us in a cloud of dust about 50 feet past the start line. The course was flat and the potholes were well marked (giving me something to aim at), as were all the turns which also had volunteers at each one, pointing the way and cheering us on. The competition was pretty intense for a while… I kept battling one rider, back and forth we went, jostling for position, until he yelled at the rider in front of us, “Mom, that fat cyclist keeps getting in my waaaayy!” The mom hissed at me and they both sped up out of sight. I enjoyed the scenery as my legs burned – I had forgotten to bring the sunscreen. Riding a flat course was heaven as I train on a canyon road near my home, so I was only used to uphill and downhill. It was a beautiful day on some terrific roads and lots of mostly smiling and happy people. Then I finished the 1st 7 mile loop and found the tables of donuts…

I had never seen this many donuts in one place before! Not even when I got the free hot donuts at Krispy Kreme!! (Where we stopped only to satisfy my KIDS demands, of course) I reached for a donut and started eating it. I asked for a napkin and no one seemed to hear me. Then I saw ways of eating donuts that I had never seen before. Wow!! One of the favorites was to take 2 donuts and squish them together and pour water on them. After I ate my first in the traditional manner, I did the squishing thing and sipped water to wash them down.

My goal was 4 donuts at each stop and once I downed the 4, I washed my hands with handi wipes and got back on the road. 4 donuts did a pretty good job of making me feel full and I felt it as I rode. After a mile or so, there was a loud burp from one of the riders near me. I don’t know who it was (no one would fess up) but I know that I felt a LOT more comfortable!

There were great things to see during the race. An unlucky rider getting a flat tire but another rider stopping to help get the repair done. Lots of parents with kids riding alongside. The call of “You’re doing great!!” from the volunteer at the corner right after the first road under the freeway. I looked around just to be sure, but there was no one in the immediate vicinity. Cool! I saw an entire family riding together – mom, dad and 3 kids. Dad pulled a trailer with a small future cyclist and both parents were obviously cyclists who were taking an opportunity to forgo competition and get their kids involved. Lots of good feelings everywhere along the route. The calls of, “Get outta the way, slow poke!”, reminded me of the high school track team… Sweet memories… Speaking of sweet, there I was, back at the donut tables again, ready to load up for the last lap of the race. My goal was to get another 4 down and I was barely able to do that. Seemed harder than the first time and by the time I was able to wash my hands, I was feeling pretty bloated (even more than I looked!). With my kids cheering me on, I headed back onto the course feeling a little less sure of my stomach and the turns and road bouncing ahead. “It’s for charity”, I kept repeating to myself, as if that was going to make my stomach happy. There were a couple of times in the first couple of miles where I wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t end up in the bushes… The feeling slowly subsided to a tolerable level and I moved as well as I could on this last lap.

Though I was nursing a slightly unhappy tummy, this was the last lap of my first bike race and I was feeling very happy! I had a smile on my face the entire race, but especially big on the last loop. I am not in great shape and I don’t have any skills to speak of… And I don’t have a real road bike nor do I have a multicolored riding ensemble, but I was here in the race and I was not making any number of legitimate excuses I could have made for not being here. There was a day not so long ago that I would have never found the time for this kind of nonsense. But today was not that day!! A normal guy out making the most of this moment in my life and for me, on this day and at this time, this was the best place I could imagine.

About 3 miles from the end, one of my teammates, Rob, asked if he could ride in my draft for a bit. Apparently, I created a great draft as several other riders asked if they could join as well! I could hear them back there relaxed and chatting and I believe someone even pulled out a game of Apples to Apples. All while I was sweating up a storm! Turns out my stomach issues made an appearance about this time and though I was polite and said, “Excuse me”, the drafting riders disappeared in a cloud of… hmmm… well, they were gone.

The last mile or so was a blur. I thought I was really going fast when I realized my glasses had slipped down too far. I moved them back into place and everything became clear again. Nearing the finish line, I saw my kids cheering wildly. What a wonderful sight!! Then I heard one of them yell – “Hey there’s Dad!” Never figured out what they were cheering about but at least they were having fun. The finish line!! Woohoo! I raised my hands high in the air with the joy of race completion!! Then frantically grabbed the handlebars before my bike went out of control. I’m gonna have to learn how those Tour De France riders are able to do that without falling…

My team greeted me cheerfully at the podium – where we watched other riders get awards. A big cheer went up from our team and others when our teammate, Al, was announced as the 2nd place winner in his age division. He announced during his victory speech that some of his competition had last been seen drafting behind a mystery rider before they completely disappeared… Crazy.

It was a great day and a terrific, well-managed event with wonderful volunteers. I hope I will be invited back again next year. I will definitely train for the donuts a little more…

Quandries

In one week I will be taking Ol' Hoo Koo E Koo down to American Fork to participate in the 4th Annual Tour De Donut. The event slogan is "Ride. Eat. Ride. Eat. Ride". Very cool slogan. The concept is ride 7 miles, eat as many donuts as you can, ride another 7 miles, eat as many donuts as you can and finish up with a final 7 mile sprint! For every donut you eat, 3 minutes is subtracted from your overall time. I love the blending of a very fattening food and a very healthy activity! So, the quandry...

Which do I train for - the bike riding where I will be riding my mountain bike alongside riders who will be cheating by riding bikes that are actually build for riding on the road... Or the donut eating where I believe I can make a real difference in my final time, even with stops for disgorging along the way! On the donut side, expanding my stomach will enhance my ability to cut multiples of 3 minutes off my riding time but the downside is that too much donut power training will also increase the bulk that the bike will have to carry, thus slowing me down even further. If I train more on the bike, I will be strong enough to carry the extra weight, so... maybe the key is to train for both!!

Then there is a little case of lifelong Hypoglycemia to consider where too much sugar brings my energy level down and puts me to sleep. No worries - I'll drink plenty of water to keep the sugar diluted and I should be fine. In fact, started my donut training a little while ago. Shoved down as many as I could and now I'm ready to head out for the bike part of today's training... Hmmm, feeling a little tired... Maybe I'll just lay down here for a couple of minutes first....................................

Kayaking the 'Raging' Logan River...

The latest installment of the inept adventurer, Huffyman...

The morning of Independence Day 2011 found me loading my kayak into the trunk of my little Honda Civic. No, really! A roof rack would be handier, but we do the best we can with what we have, right? It actually fit OK and after strapping the trunk down and loading a little equipment, I was off to First Dam, a small lake fed by the Logan River at the mouth of Logan Canyon. This was the first time I was able to use my kayak, a used Emotion Comet that I bought second-hand over the winter. It is fairly entry-level . In fact, the company says, “Beginners will love the confidence-inspiring initial stability that's built into the hull”. More about that later…

With the kayak in the water and loaded with the little equipment I brought, I donned my PFD and stepped carefully in. That was pretty easy! But I wasn’t moving. Unfortunately, I was a little too close to the shore and was solidly on the rock bottom. That explained the stability! By pushing with my hand and paddle AND some pretty cool boogie moves, I was free and floating. Woohoo! It felt cool to be floating and did, in fact, feel pretty stable. I paddled around the calm water for a while to get used to the action of the kayak. I was finally kayaking and it felt great!!

I was feeling pretty confident in my paddling and actually did a little fishing as well. But because of the wind and the current, I kept ending up where I didn’t want to be. And switching between fishing and paddling was awkward. I finally set the pole down so I could concentrate on paddling because the inlet into the little lake got my attention. The water is very high in all the mountain streams right now and the rapids coming into the lake looked mighty enticing for someone with my newfound natural kayaking talents. I paddled to where the rapids came under a bridge and pointed myself into the fun. Instead of the thrill of riding the rapids, the whole kayak immediately tilted steeply to the side. I assumed it would right itself like I would expect any good entry-level kayak to do… (This assumption later reminded me of a saying that is commonly used in relation to the word, ‘assume’ which I found to be a very true statement in this case) Much to my amazement and surprise, the kayak kept going sideways and I’m sure my eyes were huge with shock and fear as I realized I was going under water!! Under water, I frantically grabbed for the fishing pole and my water bottle and the paddle and popped up next to my upside-down former carrier. I tried to right the kayak with one hand but every time I got it partially upright, it would roll to the side again. My life vest worked great and kept me above the water, but all I could think about was that if I couldn’t get this thing to the side, we would go over the dam spillway 300 yards away! That’s enough to cause an extra kick in ones kick! About this time, the panic-powered extra kicking caused one of my water shoes to come off, which caused a little more panic and I proclaimed, “You are NOT getting away from me!!”, and desperately grabbed at it. Fortunately, I was able to catch it before it drifted away. Glad I had more luck with that than I had been having earlier with the fishing!! Once safely shoed again, I kicked for all I was worth. After frantically floating and kicking about 100 yards through the rapids, I felt gravel under my feet! Unbelieving, I tentatively stabbed my foot into it and it was solid. With GREAT relief, I dragged everything into a tiny cove and fell to the ground, grateful for the dry ground.

Next task was to get the water out of the kayak, which was filled about 2/3 of the way. I tried dumping it out, but I was too weak... errr, I mean there was too much water... This is where a cool drain came in handy and by inching the kayak up the shore, the water quickly drained to the point I was able to finally dump the boat on its side, emptying most of the rest of the water quickly. All I could do was laugh at this point – at my over-confidence and also that I seem to get into these predicaments more than the average person… J

The gauntlet had been set, so to speak, so I left the fishing pole and water bottle on the shore and headed back to the rapids to redeem myself! Or at least figure out what I did wrong. I didn’t have as much fear of going overboard since I had lived through it the first time, but the excitement at entering the rapids again had my full attention. With heart-racing and paddle flailing, I slipped into the rapids, more at an angle than the perpendicular approach unsuccessfully tried earlier. Holding my breath and trying to keep my eyes open, I found myself in the middle of the rapids! It was beautiful! I ran the current for a hundred yards and then turned around and did it 3 more times. In case you take this accomplishment lightly, I’d swear that some of the waves in the rapids were over 6” high!! Another kayaker joined me a short time after this and after I told her I had gone under, she got a funny look on her face as she looked at the roaring rapids and asked in an obviously admiring tone, “You went under in THAT?!” She told me she was working through an arm injury and proceeded to play in the rapids that had thrown me earlier. I told her I was there in case she needed help or advice.

What I learned today…
1. Kayaking is fun!!
2. I am a beginner and have a LOT to learn. And I should not love the confidence-inspiring hull to the point I forget lesson #2.
3. Adventure trumps intelligence every time!
4. My Summit Racing cap stayed on through the whole underwater life-threatening ordeal. Summit Racing rocks! This is my new lucky hat for kayaking.
5. I am no longer afraid to get dumped. Hmmm, maybe this will help me in the dating world as well…
6. Ineptitude will never hold Huffyman back!!